There have been so many thoughts and feelings inside my heart the past couple of months. It's been difficult to fully express that range of emotions that happens when two people decide that they no longer should be married.
For the past several years we have made things work despite our vastly different beliefs regarding religion. But, with each passing year it has gotten harder and harder to agree on the most basic of things in regard to parenting. Earlier this year things got really difficult and with heavy hearts we made the decision to divorce. This week my mind keeps reverting to this quote by Abrahma Lincoln. He said; "A House Divided against itself cannot stand".
It has been a HUGE adjustment. Going from doing the same things I have been doing for 14 years and then within 45 days no longer have those same routines has been emotionally difficult. It's been the simple, every-day things that have been the hardest. Setting the table for just three instead of two, not having a set day for each load of laundry due to lack of demand, and not having funny work stories from Bran.
But, spiritually, it' has been the thing that needed to happen. Both of us were getting more and more stubborn in regards to religion and neither one of us were willing to budge. It's not his fault - it's not mine. It's just was.
I have been SO blessed thru this period of time. I have a great part-time job, and amazing support from Brandon. We are friendly and kind to each other and we are working this "new normal" out as a team.
I have often thought of what I could do to help someone thru the first few scary months of divorce. I have had so many excellent and amazing people reach out to me. Here are my thoughts:
1) Grocery store gift cards. Those first few month are financially scary - especially if you have split the finances and your divorce isn't final. That means you aren't getting child support or alimony and you are pulling your own financial weight. It is SO scary! When you look at the bank account and know that what is in there is all there is. Thankfully, the time it took for our paperwork and process to go through was quick. It could have been much worse for me. Some friends have spent over a year in the process - that's sounds horrible and so stressful.
2) Send spiritual articles on a regular basis. They will be a lifeline and a help when the waves of regret, despair and self-loathing come. My favorite resources have been the Youtube Channel Don't Miss This, Mom Power summer sessions, The Chosen movie, and Ensign articles from a cherished friend. Plus, daily time in the Book of Mormon and Ensign/Conference talks of my own choosing. It has all been my life line.
3) Ask if there is anything you can help them replace. When Brandon moved out stuff went with him. Obviously, he needed to setup his own household and I don't resent that. But, I've come to realize that some of those things I really would eventually need. For instance, another water pitcher so we can have water and lemonade at the same time, more dinner plates so I'm not doing dishes every other day, that funnel set I thought I'd never used, and a DVD Player so we can borrow movies from Grandma/Grandpa and the library. I also eventually need a better solution to the mounds of books sitting on the floor. I'll get there though. I'm giving myself time to process the sadness of those bookshelves.
I hope that one day I will be in a financial situation that I can help someone else out financially who is going through a divorce. In the meantime, I'll be on the lookout for those people already around me who could use a bit of cheer and happiness from me.