The bad and the good

This week I had a little bit of "woe is me" syndrome. Oddly, it just happens that the step we covered tonight in the 12 Step Family Support class was about writing your moral inventory (basically writing in a journal about your past). Anyway, in the midst of my mini melt down, I wrote in my journal about all the things I hate about my life right now. This is the list I made:

I hate being overweight
I hate having car problems
I hate our debt (house, car, student loan)
I hate being in charge of weekly playgroup
I hate not having any clothes
I hate not being able to buy all the crafty stuff I want
I hate having a brother in the mental hospital
I hate having a dead brother
I hate having a sister that isn't able to have kids
I hate that I'm not close to my cousins anymore
I hate that our proch stucco is leaking
I hate that I can't remember living with God
I hate myself for eating fattening food and treats
I hate having a sister who lives so far away
I hate having kids that wake up before 5am
I hate how the kids both such their thumb so much
I hate myself for not keeping my house deep-down clean
I hate worrying about money
I hate being the VTing companion that always pushes to get it done
I hate how noisy my kids are during church
I hate the expectations I set for myself

 So....after I let all my hatred out I felt much better. In fact, this morning I felt so much better about things that I took all these hateful statements and turned them around into thankful statements. Here is that list:

I'm thankful for enough food to eat
I'm thankful for my car
I'm thankful Brandon is done with school
I'm thankful I've made such good friends with the playgroup moms
I still do hate not having any clothes
I'm thankful I'm a crafty person
I'm thankful my brother isn't cold and homeless
I'm thankful Alex will be waiting for me when I die
I'm thankful my sisters loves my kids as much as she would her own
I'm thankful for a happy childhood spent with amazing cousins
I'm thankful for a warm and beautiful home
I'm thankful that one day I will be with God and Jesus Christ
I still hate how yummy treats take control of my self mastery
I'm thankful Lisa and Brent have a beautiful home in Missouri
I'm thankful for kids who can wake up and take care of themselves
I'm thankful for kids who have thumbs
I'm thankful I can keep my house tidy most of the time
I'm thankful I have money to worry about
I'm thankful for the VTing sisters I visit and the companion I do have
I'm thankful my kids can communicate
I'm thankful for the growth that comes because of expectations

It seems whenever I sit and write my feeling out things don't seem as bad as I originally thought. My life is full and happy and I'm thankful for these things and so many others. I'm also thankful for honesty and that I don't feel ashamed to admit the weaknesses I have. I know that with the help of God and Jesus Christ I and (and hopefully will) make my weak things become my strengths.